We all get older, but many of us don’t want to think about getting older. And even more so, we don’t want to think about involving our kids or other family members with our private affairs. However, as many learn the hard way, the failure to adequately plan and have these sometime difficult discussions while living can create unnecessary burden, disagreements, and frustration for future generations. If you’re in this situation with your aging parents, it is critical to know what you really need to consider. October is National Estate Planning Month, and we’d love to assist you in “getting your ducks in a row” this month (or others).

First, think about what assistance your parents may need while they are living. If you anticipate they will need assistance managing their affairs, assistance with finances and banking, or assistance with other daily tasks (and most people do), a power of attorney should be a priority. Executing a power of attorney before an individual loses mental capacity ensures an agent can act on their behalf and in their best interest if they can no longer do so themselves.  Similarly, if your parent’s condition is such that you anticipate they may need nursing home care, start the planning early. There is a five year look back period for any transfers made for purposes of nursing home (Medicaid) eligibility. Lastly, ensure you have executed the necessary forms to assist with their health and medical decisions. Often times, each doctor or facility will have a HIPAA release form that must be signed for another individual to be included in pertinent medical discussions. Similarly, your parent may wish to execute a health care proxy to specifically appoint an agent to make health care decisions on their behalf if they are unable to do so.

Next, think about what you want to know before they pass. Do they have a Will? If not, it’s a good time to get one. What accounts do they have and where are they located? Do they have a list of passwords you may want to know to access their email or other digital accounts after their passing? Where are their important documents being held; by them or by an attorney? Have they recently reviewed their legal documents to ensure the forms are updated and consistent with their overall wishes? If you don’t have a good handle on these items, it is important to do so before it is too late.

Lastly, and sometimes the most uncomfortable of all, think about what happens when they pass. If you don’t already know, who is designated as the executor of their will or trustee of any trusts? What are their wishes regarding burial and how may they wish to be honored after death? And, perhaps most importantly, what happens if there is a surviving spouse, child, or other dependent who relies upon your agent parent for support?

                If your parent is initially resistant to these discussions, be patient and take baby steps. A good first step could be to simply organize their papers and accounts. Making a list of what exists can help ease into the conversation of what happens when they are gone. You can always contact us, or another estate planning attorney, to help get the conversation started if you aren’t having much success.